The Alli Worthington Show

How to Thrive in Your Marriage with the Enneagram and the Gospel with Beth McCord

Hey hey! We’re back for Part 3 of our Enneagram series. I couldn’t let this series go by without taking the chance to re-air a conversation I got to have with one of my most popular guests ever, Beth McCord. You may recognize my friend, Beth. She is an Enneagram expert and coach, best-selling author of multiple Enneagram books, and founder of Your Enneagram Coach, the leading platform for all things Enneagram.  Beth’s enneagram work is all about how to use this amazing tool through the lens of the Gospel. She has written a book for every type, and with her husband, Pastor Jeff McCord, wrote Becoming Us: Using the Enneagram to Create a Thriving, Gospel-Centered Marriage.  Listen in as Beth and I talk about: How understanding the Enneagram types as nine different perspectives can grow your compassion for others (especially your spouse) Why assuming is so harmful, Beth calls it assumicide Two ways not to use the Enneagram What has surprised Beth most in all of her work with the Enneagram and couples Beth McCord is an Enneagram expert, world-renowned speaker, coach, and teacher of over 20 years. Beth founded Your Enneagram Coach and co-authored Becoming Us: Using the Enneagram to Create a Thriving, Gospel-Centered Marriage with her husband, Jeff. They live outside Nashville, Tennessee, and have two adult children.  Favorite quotes: “The Enneagram is pointing out why we do what we do, our heart condition, and then the Gospel shows us how we will heal it.” “The Enneagram gives us the nine lenses that all types see through. Each of us has on a particular lens.” “Each of the nine types are going to have the things that make them soar and things that make them struggle in life.” “Don’t use the Enneagram as a sword or a shield.” “Think of the Enneagram as a flashlight or an x-ray. It is pointing out what is there or what is broken. The x-ray cannot heal you. It just exposes what is wrong and needs healing.” “The Enneagram is this great amazing tool but it’s the Gospel that transforms it.” “It means you have resources and the Gospel is always there to heal and restore when we are willing to surrender and depend on him to do the work in and through us.” Teaching Series from Remaining You While Raising Them: Habits           The Power of Identity with Our Actions (43:47) Links to great things we discussed:  Beth McCord Website Becoming Us: Using the Enneagram to Create a Thriving, Gospel-Centered Marriage Becoming Us Beth McCord Instagram The EnneaDog Guy Ritchie’s The Covenant Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here. Hope you loved this episode! Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! :) xo, Alli  

How to Strengthen Your Marriage with the Enneagram with Jackie Brewster

Hey friend!  We’re back again for Part 2 of our Enneagram series! We talk a lot around here about the importance of self-awareness. But how does self-awareness help us understand the people we have relationships with? Can a self-awareness tool like the Enneagram really impact our marriages for the better?  My friend Jackie Brewster is here to help us make that connection between self-awareness and understanding our partner! Jackie is a certified enneagram coach who uses the Enneagram to help individuals, couples, and teams get to know themselves better so they can love and serve others well. Her new book, The Enneagram, and Your Marriage: A 7-Week Guide to Better Understanding and Loving Your Spouse will help you apply this tool to the most important relationship in your life: your marriage.  Join in as Jackie and I discuss:   What to do if you love the Enneagram but your spouse does not That one thing that really communicates love to your spouse, based on their Enneagram type How defense mechanisms serve us, and how to identify them by type Why active listening is crucial for productive conversations (and what “active listening” actually means) Jackie Brewster is a certified Enneagram coach and author of The Enneagram and Your Marriage: A 7-Week Guide to Better Understanding and Loving Your Spouse.  Jackie and her husband, Stephen, have four children and live in Franklin, Tennessee. Favorite quotes: “Intimate relationships see a different side of us but our heart longings are the same whether it is an intimate partner or really good friendships.” “Enneagrams 2, 7, and 9 are in this positive outlook group. They try to minimize the tension, chaos, and confusion.” “Then you have got the Enneagrams 1’s, 3’s, and 5’s, and they are in the confidency group. They would prefer to deal with situations, conflict, and disappointment but also just situations from a more logical standpoint.” “The Enneagram numbers 4, 6, and 8, they are in this more reactive group. They have to deal with their emotions before they can move on.” “Active listening is such a gift that you can give to another person.” “Information is not transformation until you activate it.” Teaching Series from Remaining You While Raising Them: Habits The Power of 1% Better (34:20) Links to great things we discussed:  Jackie Brewster Website The Enneagram, and Your Marriage: A 7-Week Guide to Better Understanding and Loving Your Spouse Jackie Brewster Instagram Anne Wilson Dawson’s Creek 27 Dresses Ratatouille Soul Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships Hold Me Tight: Your Guide to the Most Successful Approach to Building Loving Relationships The Bible Recap The Bible Recap Podcast Good American Jeans Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here. Hope you loved this episode! Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! :) xo, Alli

How to Use the Enneagram to Boost Success with Scott Allender

Did you know only around 15% of people experience true self-awareness? Even more surprising, in the same study, researchers found that the more self-aware someone thinks they are, the opposite is likely to be true! When Scott Allender shared this info with me in a recent conversation, I was floored! I just had to hear more about how self-awareness relates to our emotional health and how both of those pieces relate to success.  In his new book, The Enneagram of Emotional Intelligence: A Journey to Personal and Professional Success, Scott uses one of my favorite tools, the Enneagram, to help you move towards emotional health in a way that makes sense for your personality and sets you up for success. Listen in as Scott and I talk about:  Why your emotional intelligence (EQ) is more important than your IQ when it comes to success How the tools provided in the enneagram help us get back to who we are made to be What it looks like for each Enneagram type to be functioning at a high level of self-awareness (and what it looks like when we’re not self-aware!) The role our spiritual life plays in our emotional intelligence Scott Allender is the co-host of The Evolving Leader podcast and author of The Enneagram of Emotional Intelligence: A Journey to Personal and Professional Success.  Scott is an expert in global leadership who regularly teaches enneagram workshops and lives in Nashville.  Favorite quotes: “Only 13-15% of people are truly self aware and the more self aware somebody thinks they are the opposite is likely to be true.” “Your IQ might get you in the door. Your EQ is going to determine whether or not you stay inside the room or get invited back. Our EQ is our IQ at its testing point” “Until we do the work of cultivating this level of awareness we are often operating on autopilot.” “The studies say that more than 70% of our success is directly attributed to emotional intelligence.” “What is common to all types is really getting connected to the body, heart, and head.” Teaching Series from Remaining You While Raising Them: Habits The Tipping Point  (23:47) Links to great things we discussed:  Scott Allender Website The Enneagram of Emotional Intelligence: A Journey to Personal and Professional Success Scott Allender Instagram Scott Allender Twitter Scott Allender LinkedIn The Evolving Leader Podcast Taylor Swift Chris Stapleton Yellowstone Rocky Creed III Move: How the New Science of Body Movement Can Set Your Mind Free Whiplash God Really Loves Us Clinique Pop Lip Colour + Primer Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here. Hope you loved this episode! Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! :) xo, Alli

How to Make the Most of Your Time - The Best of Life Hacks

Hey friend! I know you’re juggling a lot. Your work, your relationships, your habits, your home…even the best things in our lives can feel overwhelming at times!  What if you could get some brilliant-yet-doable tips on managing it all, from multiple experts, all in one place? That could be a game-changer, right?  That is exactly the kind of episode I’ve got for you today! I have taken some of my favorite advice we’ve heard here on the show and pulled it all together to give you the best of life hacks.   Whether you are looking to maximize your time on a macro level, strengthen your relationships, build good habits, or declutter your home, these tips will meet you where you are and help you take each area of your life to the next level.  This highlight episode features:  How to name what really matters to you and let go of the pressure to do it all with Kendra Adachi Why starting a hard conversation the right way can make all the difference with Eric Barker The power of gratitude and commitment devices with Mark Batterson Where to begin with decluttering and what to do about toys with Allie Casazza Kendra Adachi is a systems expert, creator of The Lazy Genius Podcast, and New York Times Bestselling Author of The Lazy Genius Way. Kendra lives in North Carolina with her husband and their three children. Eric Barker is the bestselling author of Barking Up the Wrong Tree and Plays Well with Others. He is a sought-after speaker and calls Los Angeles home.  Mark Batterson serves as lead pastor of National Community Church and is the author of over 20 books, including his book on habits, Do It for a Day. Mark and his wife, Lora, have three children and live in Washington, D.C. Allie Casazza has built a multimillion-dollar online business with her proven and practical approach to minimalism and is the author of Declutter to Destress. Allie lives in southern California with her husband, Brian, and their four children. Favorite quotes: “We think that starting small doesn’t make any difference but if you don’t start small you often don’t ever start at all.” “Spend more time with your friends consistently and raise issues with your partner diplomatically.” “If you give three minutes and three gratitudes a day, that little domino habit can change your outlook on life and totally change the way that you feel.” “Make it easy for the whole family to contribute.” “Look for the gaps in your home that are not working. It is making your house work with you instead of against you. Create a solution that is cheap and effective and makes things run more smoothly.” Links to great things we discussed:  Kendra Adachi Website Kendra Adachi Episode The Lazy Genius Way The Lazy Genius Kitchen Eric Barker Website Eric Barker Episode Barking Up the Wrong Tree Mark Batterson Website Mark Batterson Episode Do It for a Day: How to Make or Break Any Habit in 30 Days Allie Casazza Website Allie Casazza Episode Declutter Like A Mother Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here. Hope you loved this episode! Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! :) xo, Alli

How to Know What God Wants For You with Heather MacFadyen

What if I told you that shrinking back when you’re called to something big is not a display of humility? It is so ingrained in us, especially as women, to think of ourselves as less-than in an effort to be humble. But what if it’s actually pride that makes us play small?  This idea of understanding true humility was a big focus for me when I wrote Standing Strong, and I couldn’t wait to have a conversation with my friend Heather about it!  Heather MacFadyen is the one to talk about this with because she shares such good insight on this very thing in her new book, Right Where You Belong: How to Identify and Fully Occupy Your God-Given Space.  And we’re not holding back on this one! Join us as we talk about:  Four boundary lines that will help you identify the core of the assignments God has for you in this season How to use those boundary lines as a decision-making tool Ways to process rejection in a way that invites God into it The impact of social media on mom guilt and shame, and why we need an inner circle How to listen to God as an important first step in everything you do (and Heather’s example of what that process looks like for her!)  Each time Heather visits the show she brings truth and wisdom. You can listen to her last visit where where she shares about the dangers of comparison. Her relatable stories remind moms they are never alone in the pursuit of becoming the best mom they can be.  Heather MacFadyen is the host of the Don’t Mom Alone podcast, a speaker, and the author of two books, including her latest, Right Where You Belong: How to Identify and Fully Occupy Your God-Given Space.  Heather lives with her husband and their four sons in Dallas, TX. Favorite quotes: “You don’t have to hustle. You can trust that God is outside your space hustling on your behalf.” “Nothing new is under the sun. It is just are we doing it. Are we inviting God into our decisions and are we looking for his invitations for what he is doing?” “God speaks through the Holy Spirit in us and through His word and we can know if it is him if it resonates with the truth of who he has always been and what is written.” “Your current living is what dictates your future moments so how are you spending that time.” “When we experience God it ignites the Spirit in us and we can hear those promptings and invitations.”  “If you have never sat and listened to God’s voice, what he thinks about you, and what he is inviting you into, that would be a great first step.” Coaching this week:  Believing the best about our partners. (36:23) Links to great things we discussed:  Heather MacFadyen Website Right Where You Belong: How to Identify and Fully Occupy Your God-Given Space Heather MacFadyen Instagram Don’t Mom Alone Podcast Lauren Daigle Ted Lasso Shrinking Severance Jesus Revolution The Chosen Revlon Hair Brush Dryer All My Knotted-Up Life: A Memoir Air Great is Thy Faithfulness Anastasia Magic Touch Concealer Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here. Hope you loved this episode! Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! :) xo, Alli

How to Live Unafraid of the Future with Lisa Whittle

Hey friend! We all want to live without fear of the future, for ourselves and for our children. But, in today’s world, it’s easy to look around and wonder if it’s even possible. There’s just so many things outside of our control and how do we cope with them, much less live without fear.  Today, my friend Lisa Whittle joins me on the show to talk about just that. We walk through those challenging questions we’ve all had about fear, pain and the future and what it means to trust God rather than give into fear.  Lisa knows what she’s talking about, too! She is a best-selling author and has written a new book called God Knows, all about how those two little words can change our lives if we will let them. Join us as we talk about:  How to lean into the comfort that God knows all and is in control, even (and maybe especially) in seasons of pain Why believing God knows can bring peace to motherhood The three reasons people stop dreaming (plus, how dreaming is a form of self-care!) An analogy that will change how you see boundaries and letting people into your inner circle   Once you hear this conversation, you’ll want to check out Lisa’s last visit to the show where we shared practical tips as you consider ways to move forward in strength. These conversations about dreams and goals will change your life. Lisa Whittle is a Bible teacher, speaker, and host of the Jesus Over Everything podcast. She is the author of nine books, including her latest, God Knows: When Your Worries and Whys Need More Than Temporary Relief. Lisa and her husband, Scott, have three children and live in Charlotte, NC. Favorite quotes: “It is hard to rest and rely on God for your pain relief but what choice do you have?” “When we actually get to know who God is and understand the vastness of what it means God knows. It shifts something within us.” “Dreaming is self-care.” “If you are a believer in Jesus Christ you definitely want to root your own life in him so as you root yourself in him your dreams come in alignment.” “When we become committed to our boundaries we only have to verbalize them 10% of the time.” “Choose your life travelers wisely.” Coaching this week:  Piling on the positives to transform your relationships. (30:29) Links to great things we discussed:  Lisa Whittle Website God Knows: When Your Worries and Whys Need More Than Temporary Relief Lisa Whittle Instagram Laura Tremaine Facebook The Jesus Over Everything Podcast The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts John Wick: Chapter 4 Doxology - Maverick City Music Urban Decay Naked Palette 2 Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here. Hope you loved this episode! Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! :) xo, Alli

How to Build Great Friendships with Laura Tremaine

Hey hey! Friendship is something we all want and need. While it seems simple on the surface, it can feel so complicated. How do we make friends as adults? If I don’t have deep heart-to-hearts with someone in my life, are we still friends? What about neighbors, co-workers, and people I see casually or in passing each week? Do they count as great friends? I invited one of my friends to help me sort all that out! Laura Tremaine is a podcaster, speaker, and author of two books. Her newest book, The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs, is a great resource to help us reframe how we think about friendship.  Listen in on this conversation as Laura and I talk about:  Giving ourselves permission to not go deep with every friend Why we should be lavish with encouragement, including our likes on social media The importance of having different kinds of friends and the roles each can play in your life Holding space for friendship break-ups and how to move past them Y’all, I’m so happy to have Laura back on the show today. You can check out her previous show here. We talked about the tools we need to not only start important conversations with our people but continue to be vulnerable and reconnect even when it feels hard. Laura Tremaine hosts the 10 Things to Tell You podcast and author of two books, including her most recent, The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs. Laura and her husband, Jeff, have two children and live in Los Angeles, California. Favorite quotes: ~ “We have so many ideas about what women friendship should be.” ~ “When we withhold our likes and comments it hurts us. Withholding ourselves can be toxic to friendship.” ~“When friendships end, that can be so devastating. Often if you have gone through that it affects the relationships that follow.” ~ “The ten friends are over your life. Some of the seats are meant to be that over the course of your life you are meant to have these people that will be good guides for you.” ~ “Look around at who is filling what space in their life and who they are to others. It elevates all of our roles to one another.” Coaching this week:  Healthy ways to deal with conflict in relationships. (35:20) Links to great things we discussed:  Laura Tremaine Website  The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs Laura Tremaine Instagram Laura Tremaine Facebook 10 Things to Tell You Podcast Neon Sign Lover - Taylor Swift Wednesday We All Want Impossible Things - Catherine Newman Dyson Airwrap Styler Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here. Hope you loved this episode! Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! :) xo, Alli

How to Transform Your Relationships with Three Little Words with Mark Batterson

Hey hey! We all want to live and work in happy, healthy spaces, but how do we create them? How do we build a culture where people enjoy being together and working together?  Those are big questions, but what if I told you it all starts with three little words we all learned as kids?  I chat with pastor and author Mark Batterson about these concepts from his new book, Please, Sorry, Thanks: The Three Words That Change Everything. Mark and I talk about how those words- please, sorry, thanks- set the tone in the places we lead.  Join in on this conversation as we discuss:  What Mark calls “the crown jewel” of emotional intelligence Why vulnerability is so critical, especially for leaders One of the hardest lessons Mark learned in leadership Two rules of life for leaders that will change how you see people How gratitude can change your life, and why it is so vital for your soul Mark blesses us with wisdom every time he visits. Last year, Mark shared how we  have to 3-M our habits. We have to make them measurable, we have to make them meaningful, and we have to make them maintainable. Catch that episode here! Mark Batterson serves as lead pastor of National Community Church and is the author of over 20 books, including his latest, Please, Sorry, Thanks: The Three Words That Change Everything. Mark and his wife, Lora, have three children and live in Washington, D.C. Favorite quotes: ~~“When it comes to creating culture or a happy healthy family system or just a place you want to work, those cultures are really good at please, sorry, and thanks.” ~~“Nothing opens doors like a please. Nothing mends fences like a sorry. Nothing builds bridges like a thanks. More than words, they have to become a lifestyle.” ~~“In all relationships you have to get really good at sorry because you are going to have to reset all the time.” ~~“Whatever you don’t turn into praise turns into pride so we have to get really good at giving thanks.” ~~“You don’t see the world as it is. You see the world as you are and if you are filled with gratitude you are going to find things every single day that you can be grateful for even if it is a tough day.” Coaching this week:  How to use social media in friendships that won't leave you feeling lonely. (35:47) Links to great things we discussed:  Mark Batterson Website  Please, Sorry, Thanks: The Three Words That Change Everything The Best Worst Day Ever Mark Batterson Instagram Vacation - Dirty Heads Top Gun: Maverick Thirteen Lives Nespresso Machine Tear Catcher Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here. Hope you loved this episode! Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! :) xo, Alli  

How to Nourish Your Soul with Amy Seiffert

Hey friend! Is it hard to put down your phone, even when you realize you’re numbing out? Is distraction really a bad thing? And what can we do to get back on track after it’s gone too far? Today’s episode is a great conversation with author Amy Seiffert about all the things we consume that are filling our minds but starving our souls. Amy and I get super practical in our discussion on how we can replace spiritual junk food with things that will nourish the center of who we are.   Listen in as we talk about:  Two things we tend to think of as helpful that can actually do more harm than good Three practices you can start incorporating this week to care for your soul How small, simple shifts can have a game-changing impact on our lives Why Sabbath rest is so important and why there are fewer (and better!) rules around Sabbath than you may think The crucial role of community in our lives, why women often push it to the back burner, and the power of encouragement  Amy Seiffert is a speaker and author of two books, including her latest, Starved: Why We Need a Spiritual Diet Change to Move Us from Tired, Anxious, and Overwhelmed to Fulfilled, Whole, and Free. Amy lives with her husband and their three children in Ohio.  Favorite quotes: ~“I will be consuming and taking in various things but it is starving my soul. We need a spiritual diet change.” ~“How often because of the noise and the distractions, we can’t even hear what God might be saying.” ~“Start with silence and put the phone down. Practice looking outside and sitting there and not producing or pushing just letting yourself be loved.” ~“What would it look like to take a whole day and everyone you encounter, you practice saying to yourself, “I see an image bearer.” You begin to restore dignity, value, and worth to every person in front of you.” ~“It is a small shift but that very small shift is going to have a phenomenal impact on our spiritual health, emotional health, and mental health.” ~“What would it look like every time we meet to think in your brain when I show up part of my job in our community is to encourage?” Coaching this week:  How to honor your priorities in your friendships (25:33) Links to great things we discussed:  Amy Seiffert Website  Starved: Why We Need a Spiritual Diet Change to Move Us from Tired, Anxious, and Overwhelmed to Fulfilled, Whole, and Free Amy Seiffert Instagram Shrinking The Making of Biblical Womanhood Gratitude - Brandon Lake MAC Cosmetics Eyeshadow - Satin Taupe Urban Decay Eyeshadow Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here. Hope you loved this episode! Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! :) xo, Alli  

How to Practice Compassion with Aundi Kolber

Hey friend! Does it ever feel like you’re living in survival mode? You know that feeling where you find yourself constantly saying, “if I can just get through one more day, things will be better”? I know I have! But what does it really take to move out of survival mode? How do we find a place a safety and compassion for ourselves (and others) as we process and move past what we’ve been through? Trauma-informed therapist Aundi Kolber joins me on the show today to tackle those questions and more!  Aundi is a licensed professional counselor, and while we can’t all be her clients, we can all access the wisdom she shares in her two books, Try Softer and Strong Like Water.  This is a rich conversation about emotional health, and I’m so excited to share it with you.  Join in as we talk about:  How the last three years have affected all of us (and why it makes sense if you’re not “over it”) Steps we can take to build safety in ourselves, with each other, and in our spaces like churches and schools The surprising way compassion impacts our nervous system The different styles of attachment, and why “good enough” parenting really is good enough  Aundi Kolber is a licensed professional counselor and author of two books, including her most recent, Strong Like Water: Finding the Freedom, Safety, and Compassion to Move through Hard Things–and Experience True Flourishing. Aundi lives with her family in Castle Rock, CO.  Favorite quotes: ~“Trauma is anything that overwhelms our nervous system's capacity to cope.” ~“How we experience is something at least as important as the event itself.” ~“Getting yourself outside is a great place to do grounding. Nature is so soothing to us and really regulating to our nervous system.” ~“We are designed for more. Both our fierceness and softness are God-given.” ~“Our relationship with ourselves is influenced by our attachment style.” ~“Secure relationships have an internal sense of predictability that when you have needs others around who care for you will do their best to meet their needs to the extent they are able.” ~“One way to begin is to become aware of our attachment style.” Coaching this week:  1. Bundling Friend Time: Getting enough friend time, especially during busy seasons. (38:15) Links to great things we discussed:  Aundi Kolber Website  Strong Like Water: Finding the Freedom, Safety, and Compassion to Move through Hard Things–and Experience True Flourishing Aundi Kolber Instagram Aundi Kolber Twitter Slow - JOHNNYSWIM Ted Lasso How to Keep House While Drowning - KC Davis Creed 3 Benefit Fluff Up Brow Wax Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here. Hope you loved this episode! Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! :) xo, Alli